So, today was my birthday. It was the most low key birthday I've ever had....I think I should make a habit of having those. All in all the day was pretty good, except I missed my follow up appointment with my surgeon. All that means is I've got to wait another week to get my stitches out, and they might not have been coming out today anyway. I had a nice dinner, large pieces of dead animal, pears with chocolate drizzle on them, and tater tots. After dinner I hung out with my gf, she's so sweet she made me cupcakes aw <3. then I came home and made some tea, and now I'm here infront of hal my little laptop friend.

Chronicles of ye o' gimpy one

For the past several days I have been sporting a plastic shell over me left hand as opposed to the makeshift plaster and gauze. You see it here with its lovely blue velcro straps.

The back piece is old news. The front portion of the shell, however, is brand spanking new. It also comes complete with its own pinky rubberband excersizer--Which I am to use ten times every hour.

If you don't recall why I'm wearing this bizzare little gettup I'll remind you. You see not too long ago the doktor was juggling knives and happened to slip on a bannana peel and nearly cut his pinky off. You see it here stitches and all.










Well that should be a good lesson to all of you....don't leave bannana peels lying about

on pinkies and penis rings

My fears were abated 8:30 on Tuesday. The left little finger of teh doktor shall remain intact. When I first showed up at the Gem City Bone and Joint Surgery Center, I was, I admit, very nervous. After a very short wait, Dr. Curnow--an excellent man and former hand specialist--came in and checked out my hand. To his surprise and relief he found that I had sliced open my finger in about the best way possible. The flexor habitus was still partially retained, meaning the tendon was not completely severed. This meant that I would not have to have my hand split open to look for the rest of my tendon, and the operation could be done with all local anesthetic. After meeting with the Dr. I went in for a few X-Rays and then they told me to come back about 11:00. Because of several cancellations I was able to have the procedure done that day. I came back and the nurses fitted me with a little gown, for those of you who care--yes they let me keep my underwear. They also informed me that the Dr. might be using an electro cauterizing tool, which meant I needed to remove all metal jewelry from my person. They looked at me and said 'But I guess you don't have any to worry about', because I didn't have my earrings in. I looked away and said that I would need the ziplock --for jewelry-- they gave me a confused look and handed me the baggy. I went into the bathroom and came out with my 1.25 inch long 10 guage barbell in the little baggy. They tried to hide the fact that their eyes bulged and wandered for a sec, but it was pretty noticeable. After that the Dr. came in and did the local anesthetic and I was taken into the surgery. I remember it was so cold in that room at first. They laid me out and hooked me up to the bp and heart rate monitor and put a paper blanket over me that blew warm air on me. Soon after the team came in and scrubbed down my arm with iodine, then they went to work. I didn't really watch all that much since I didn't want to be moving around, but what I did see of it was pretty sweet. They opened up my finger and marked all the important bits like tendon and nerve. Then they sutured them together with super-fine needles and suture. Then they closed me up wrapped up my finger and sent me to the recovery room. After that it was pretty much over. I just had to get dressed and make follow up appointments.

so thats it for now. it will be about 6-12 weeks before the cast can come off. after that it will still be a while before I'm 100% again but all in all not too much recovery time.

So, I don't think I'll be playing with knives for quite some time. I was sharpening my new knife and something fell. I sliced my left pinky to the bone. I had it stiched up in the emergency room but now I have to get it checked out again to see if they can repair the tendon or if they have to amputate the end of my finger off. bummer

well that's pretty upsetting.

I guess the moral of the story is you can't really trust anybody nowadays.

Just this moment

I find myself sitting in a ridiculously comfy, pink bathrobe, after having just taken a shower using a bar of wonderfully lemon/ginger scented soap, and sipping on earl grey style green tea.

I so wish I had a picture of this to share with you.

Astonishing revelations made through webcomics!

About a half an hour ago I began reading a new webcomic. It's very rudimentary in terms of drawings, mostly just stick figures, but with very witty content. It is much like Dinosaur comic, in that regard. While running through the four panel world of F8d I was stunned by a new fact.

To demonstrate to the average individual that drasticallly altering or harming the planet is not a far-fetched feat for humanity he used simple division.

The total land area of the earth is a little under 150 million square kilometers.

The population of humans on the earth is over 6 billion.

150,000,000
/
6,000,000,000
=
.025

So, divided equally there is about .025 square kilometers to every person. That is about the size of three standard soccer pitches.

Now, I'm pretty damn sure I could drastically alter three soccer pitches over the course of my lifetime.

Some things money can't buy and some things it can.

Today, I was given a rare opportunity. I had the pleasure of introducing someone to the band GWAR. Since no one can be "told" what GWAR is, they must be "shown". So I turned to youtube for a proper clip to show the young initiate. In the process of looking up video for the previously un-innoculated person I found a clip entitled "GWAR on Joan". Thinking that this may be a joke, but one with potential, I click on this clip. Lo and Behold, it's for real. Two of the members of GWAR in full gear have an interview on the Joan Rivers show. That ladies and gentlemen, is something truly priceless.

There are times when a movie, a song, a painting or some other piece of art reflects life. Here's one such case from my life. You see, my reality is reflected not only in the content of this work, but also in the media.....You'll see. This is what I feel like every single day.

random weirdness

Have you ever realized something about yourself, only by comparison to someone else? I like it when that happens. I don't know why, I just do. As an added bonus the fun little realization I just had came right after another, albeit less important, one.

First I realized the type of movie viewer I am. I'm picky. That may not sound important, but let me explain. I realized I have trouble picking movies to watch because I have to be in just the right mood for the movie. This little realization was the seed for a much more fun one. I realized that I don't refer to the movies as good or bad. I don't say that any particular style of movie is better than any other, I think of it in terms of whether or not I like certain things about the movie. I claim my opinion, and not just with movies. People, places, events, and anything like that. I think of it in terms of whether or not I like them or not. This kind of thinking only really has meaning when compared to it's counterpart. Let me give you an example of this counterpart style of thought.....That movie is stupid, the person who directed it is terrible, or That place is bad, nothing good comes from that place. In this style of thinking the responsibility for the opinion is shifted from the person to the object. Note how this style of thought doesn't even take into account that other opinions could exist about the object, almost like they are plain and simple facts--ones which everyone should accept. As another little bonus, when I reflected about my past and whether or not I had always had this style of thinking I realized that I have. Even when I think back to times when I've made statements the other way, the 'that thing is terrible' way, my thought is always, 'I think that thing is terrible'.

The fun part about realizing this silly little thing about myself is that it helped me understand why I have difficulties with the people who think the other way. I don't like the fact that they think of thier opinions as facts, and when people disagree with their opinions that means those people are wrong. To be fair I think of those people as closed minded, I think of them as ignorant and apathetic. Note the "I think" rather than "those people are....or.....you are"

I know full well that this little rant will mean absolutly zilch to everyone else, and I had thought about just puting it as a diary. However; whenever I get a notification that one of my blog subscriptions has updated only to find that it is private I think of the regretful seconds I will never get back. It feels much more satisfying to open up the blog and see the words, even if I find I'm not interrested in reading them all. So, for any likeminded people I left it public.

Have you ever watched a college or high school movie? Ya know, one with overly photogenic, mature and corny students surviving against the odds to the most exciting pop music of the time. Well I've been studying very hard to such greats as 'We Want Fun' 'City of Angels' 'The Art of Losing' and others. So, right now my life reminds me of one of those movies. Corny as it sounds, I kinda like it. The motivation, the feeling of struggle, and of righteousness.

I'm not sure where any of that came from but there it is.

On a related note, if I'm going to be learning all of this information about organic chemistry I should be doing something usefull with it. Now we all know that the best use of learning is EVIL, so why am I not out destroying the world yet??? I'll tell you why. What I'm learning has no real relevance, no real use. If it did the world would have many more smoking craters that used to be where my enemies stood.

I just went outside to grab a book from my car, and I saw the most beautiful thing I may ever see. First of all I love this time of night. It is so calm and still and quiet, plus it's always a little cooler than the daytime. Anyway, as I was walking out to my car I was thinking, 'man I love living here, you can see the stars to clearly'. At that moment I looked up to see what may have been the space station, or maybe a planet, but it was big and bright. Then I started to notice other shiny lights in the sky, and something remarkable struck me. They were sparkling. I've always heard people talk about how stars twinkle and all, but I always figured that meant getting brighter or dimmer. These were twinkling through myriad colors. And while I was standing there, getting cold to my bones watching the stars twinkle I thought, 'some days I get a reminder to keep on going.'

Ending one minute at a time.

This is your life.

This is your life and it's ending.

This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.

This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time, and you never know which ones your last.

If our life is so finite why can't we choose the moments we have. Obviously it's not an ideal world that's why. But sometimes it just hurts...It hurts that we have to live through so many moments, without enjoying them. It hurts that they're the only moments we'll get, but we're glad they're gone. Isn't that a little fucked up?

I dunno

It's just a little past midnight, I have turned off all of my lights and I will be going to bed soon. Before I do, I have a few things on my mind.

Today was the day my family celebrated christmas. We had to do presents and family gathering and eating of unhealthy but tasty treats today as opposed to monday because my mom has to work on monday. This tells you something about my family. We don't celebrate christmas for "Christ" we celebrate it for us. Present at this years celebration were my brothers, Ryan and Russell, Russell's girlfriend Sara, Grandpa Waddell, my parents and my friend Carole. The food was piecemeal which was great, no stuffing of bellies, but rather random snacking on dips and nifty treats. The presents were great. Among the really spiffy presents were, hat's with LED lights in the bills, an electric razor, a bike, excersize equipment, fat hedgehogs, survival kits, rotating tie racks, and airline tickets for my father to see the cubs play with his best friend. After the presents, as per tradition, we played videogames--this year was guitar hero.
About an hour into the videogames, I was called up by my friend Jen. I missed the call because I was playing the game, but the message that she left went something like this "Hi brian I'm married, I need your help" I knew she was now married, I had missed the wedding because of the blizzard, but needless to say I was confused, but I called her and she needed help putting things into their u-hall. It made sense to me then, the newly weds are moving to oregon or some such place. So I was there from about 4 to 10 helping to load their stuff up.
durring that time I got a call from my friend anna, who I am very worried about. She said that I should help move and call her back when I was done. I got done too late though and did not get a chance to talk to her. I desperately wish I had gotten a chance to talk to her, she's in a really rough spot right now and I want nothing more than to help, and I wish I could have talked to her, maybe comforted her a bit. Anything really. Now I'm even more worried.

Well thats what was on my mind. Theres probably more, but I'm really tired now and must sleep.

Hmm, holidays. They're filled with family and friends. Love and relaxation. Or at least they're supposed to. I always feel lousy after holidays. I recal how phoney I've been, how much I've pretended to care, pretended to enjoy myself. In all honesty, I don't really like family, or people in general. Except for a rare few people, I can stand moments with others but not much more than that. I guess I'm just in a mood right now. I feel alone and guilty, but I don't know why

Like tuxedo colored sauseges.

holee shitpod mirtel.

I just started watching the march of the penguins. It is the cutest goddamn thing I have ever seen. I wish I had someone to share the obnoxious amounts of cute with.

first draft poem

There is a fist,
a fist wrapped in blood
It pounds at you and pounds at you
it hits you again and again.
It's pounding disfigures you,
it breaks you.
but you stand up in spite of it.
Then it misses, and you stagger.
Then it stops and you fall down.
Have you ever seen a human heart?
It looks like a fist wrapped in blood.

what a depressing thought

Most scientists will agree that dreams are, in fact, in color. I used to oppose this consensus, but now I am in agreement. The reason for my change in opinion is a dream I had just last night. In this dream I was doing some sort of job where I went from office to office, building to building. All of these offices reminded me of the one in the first Matrix movie. In one of these offices there was a very attractive girl with super long hair, all of it was dyed the brightest of red. She apparently had asked around about me and found my name, kindof sweet in that stalkeresque way. But what I remember most is that red hair. Just picturing it makes the other colors, which I normally remember as grey tone, stand out. I can see the blue and grey pinstripes of suit coats, the slight bit of yellow and red on some kids tie. I realize now that I do in fact dream in color.

Holy bulshit

The crazies are coming the crazies are coming. Today a group of radical anti-abortion folks came by UW campus with large, I mean really big, pictures of aborted fetuses. They were of course simple minded folk with very little in the way of formal education. It felt good to inform them on the finer points of biology, life, and the way of the world. It was also fun to see their faces when eddie and I handed out free red metal coathangers.

These people might be back tomorrow, and with them another group. This new group is a skinhead group, so you can guess what it is their angsty about. Gays, Jews, Blacks, Catholics, ya know the usual. And just the other week there was a group of folks with big signs saying "Fear God". At least those folks had funny little songs, and a big cuddly gay...formerly gay, hah...bear as their spokesperson. All these wackos, what is it a two for one special? And while I hate to make this statement for, fear of reprisal, all these groups are christian groups. Wouldn't it be great to get a big group of jewish folk adimantly protesting people eating meat and dairy together. Or a big Muslim group protesting not covering your head outside. Ya know other groups have really strong beliefs too, you don't often see them out and about campus's harrassing their student body.
Oh Well.

Well thats all for now kiddos, I must finish a quiz then it's off to bed.

Falling leaves

Today I finished work--a rewarding session--and returned home around 8, already dark. It was raining just enough that everything was shiny in my headlights, glossy, almost like the world was coated in glass. As I turned on to my street I noticed the faint hints of yellow in my nieghbor's driveway. I immediately knew what they were, they were the leaves I'd seen the day before. The first hints I noticed of fall, aside from the weather. They reminded me about the constancy of change. I'm not sure why but I always thought fall, not spring should be the season of change. I know spring symbolizes new life and fall has the harvest and celebration, but fall also symbolizes the beginning of the road to death. The realization that death is coming seems so much more appropriate than the acknowledgement of new life. But maybe thats just in my own little corner of the world..